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In my humble opinion, of course.
*pre-post disclaimer: Not only is Sydney (aka Mayhem) entirely on board with me sharing this information, but she encouraged me to share it months ago. Because she’s a badass little lady who wants other girls to have the same positive puberty journey that we have, so far. She has 100% approved the information and details shared within this post, with her privacy being our top priority.
If I could sum up the Keiser family’s 2019 in one word, it would be tidalfreakingwaveofemotions. See how I got around that one word rule?
And it started from go. Almost literally. We lost a very close friend in early January, and headed home to Ohio for her services in mid-January. At the end of January, we traveled back to Ohio for my mom’s retirement. If I’m being honest, our family was a bit of an emotional wreck for the entire month, and as we traveled back and forth between Georgia and Ohio, something else changed too. Sydney began complaining that her chest hurt.
I chalked it up to her endless flipping. She spent the majority of one trip practicing her front walkovers and front handsprings, in my aunt’s basement. And it seemed pretty plausible that the muscles in her upper body might be revolting, just a bit.
But when we finally settled back into our house (in GA) in early February, she came to me sobbing. She was worried there was something seriously wrong with her. She thought maybe I should call her doctor and make an appointment. When I asked her about it, she explained that her chest wasn’t just hurting, she could feel a bump in her chest.
Ahhhhhhh.
Have I mentioned that our friend who passed away in January did so, after a years long battle with breast cancer? And that this amazing woman treated Sydney like one of her own children? And that this was Sydney’s first experience with understanding/processing losing a loved one? And I was so wrapped up in my own emotions, that I didn’t recognize the fear she was experiencing – thinking her own chest pain was maybe a sign that she had the same disease.
So yeah, we shed a few tears together, then I promised her that she didn’t have breast cancer, and then I went online for some information that might reassure her.
Google to the rescue. I can’t remember which website I found, but it explained what breast buds were, in terms she could clearly understand, and there was an instant sigh of relief.
From her.
Meanwhile, I’m all “are you f*&$ing kidding me? My barely nine year old is hitting puberty?! No way! How is this possibly happening and what in the world do I need to tell her now?”
Luckily, the information we found online, was enough to reassure her that the pain she was experiencing and the bump in her chest, were both completely normal. And that was enough. For now.
Having lived through a pretty tough loss recently, emotions in our house were running high. So I failed to see that there was more behind Sydney’s emotional outbursts, beyond grieving. Until one day in April when she couldn’t stop sobbing, and she just looked at me helplessly and said, “I don’t even know why I’m crying, Mom. I just can’t stop. Sometimes I’m angry and happy and sad, all in the same day, and I have no idea why!”
Ahhhhhhh!!!! Hormones!!!!
Sure, I could keep Googling to help me explain things, but I needed another resource. I needed a puberty book. Because left on my own, I’d probably miss a few (hundred) things and stumble and fumble, and she’d probably be way more confused than informed.
And I found it! But before I found the ONE, I previewed a lot of books from Amazon. I even ordered two books that I sent back. Because I didn’t like how some of the information was presented. For example, one book mentioned that being a girl was “messy business” and I didn’t like that messaging, while another had too much focus on dieting (for my liking), within the chapters about physical body changes.
Finally, I found our holy grail of puberty books. It’s this one:
Start to finish, I love this book! The information is presented in such a positive light and teaches girls that they are perfect just the way they are, and that the changes they are experiencing are happening in their body’s own right timing. It’s made clear that each girl’s body is perfectly unique and will change on the schedule it’s supposed to. There’s no one schedule that all the bodies are ‘supposed’ to be on.
I read this book, cover to cover, before I ever let Sydney take a peek inside. I was thoroughly comfortable with how the information was presented and it gave me a chance to be prepared for any questions she might ask. I also didn’t simply hand it over to her, for her to read by herself, because I felt like it was important for us to go through it together. We read a chapter together each night, but I also left it in her room so that she could read some on her own, if she was curious. And curious she was.
I expected her to be uncomfortable or embarrassed with the information, you know, like I was. Turns out, she doesn’t find it embarrassing in the least. She thinks puberty is awesome. And feels both informed and empowered. And feels like we NEED to have a period pack for her to carry in her purse, just in case.
I think I want to be her when I grow up.
I can’t tell you how nervous I was about having this chat with Sydney. I thought it might be like that awkward girl scouts meeting we had when I was a kid, where a nurse tried to make light of all things puberty and it just.felt.weird. I don’t think I ever felt truly comfortable talking about my body or how it was changing and the only thing I know as a mother, is that I don’t want that for my own girl.
And I will give entire credit to this book (and Sonya Renee Taylor!) for making my girl feel like a puberty expert. One that has no shame, and feels strong, confident, and (maybe most importantly) prepared about the changes her body is experiencing.
I cannot recommend this book enough. Whether you have a girl in your life who is approaching puberty (ready or not, it’s going to happen), or you’re just wondering how you’re going to chat about this stuff one day down the road, this book is an excellent resource. I mean, how awesome does it sound, just from the back cover:
I shared this book with my (childless) hairdresser the other day because she mentioned she has a niece starting into puberty, and my hairdresser said she thought she should buy a copy for herself too. So that she could give it to her husband so he would understood her better.
YES.YES.YES. (insert praise hands emoji here)
It’s that good. Check it out for yourself right here at Amazon.
Uh-Maze-ing. I am so glad you and Sydney loved the book and found it helpful. Reading stories like this bring me GREAT JOY! As an author this is exactly what you hope your work does in the world. Deep appreciation!
Sonya Renee Taylor
Sonya!!! Cannot thank YOU enough for such a wonderful resource! You have made my kid a puberty expert 🙂 I had no idea that we’d be able to have such open and honest conversations and that a kid could feel so confident about all this stuff. We will be forever grateful for your work and the positive influence!
My mom introduced me to the book “The Care and Keeping of You” when I was Sydney’s age with the same purpose. I haven’t reread it as an adult but I remember loving it at her age! If she’s ever looking looking for further reading, maybe that’s an option 🙂
I know that one gets a lot of recommendations, but the talk of eating disorders was a major turn off for me. It’s not a subject Sydney is even remotely familiar with at this point and I’d rather not have it introduced in a book that I want to empower her. But I do think everyone has different priorities and preferences and it’s awesome that there are many good resources, these days 🙂
This is amazing! I’ve been following Mayhem since the original paper dress days and I can’t believe how grown up she’s becoming!! I’m a boy mom, but I think it’s important for boys to know what girls go through and to know it’s a natural part of life with nothing to be embarrassed about. Would you consider it to be a good informational read for a boy of similar age?
Oooh – that’s a tough call and one maybe only one that you could make for your son. It’s definitely written in a tone that I believe is geared towards making girls feel comfortable with what they are experiencing and there’s also a lot of detail in some chapters that may be beyond what you or your son would be comfortable with him knowing. Again though, I think it’s up to each parent to make that call for their own kids. A friend of mine who is a librarian back in my hometown told me that the local library network has four copies of this book, so maybe you could see if your local library has a copy and check it out for yourself without purchasing first.