When I posted this:
With the caption: This morning she made ME a dress. And insisted that I post it. I negotiated the right to not post my dirty hair and make-up-less face. Because I’m teaching her that business decisions should always be win-win or no deal 😉 #fashionbymayhem
…. I was not prepared for the comments it would spark about societal beauty issues, my insecurities, or the hope that Mayhem doesn’t become dependent on clean hair and make-up.
I thought about defending myself a little.
But sometimes more talking is just that. More talking. And over-thinking. And making issues (for our kids) that aren’t actually issues for them (yet).
I felt pretty sure that Mayhem (who is perfectly confident wearing clothing SHE constructs out of paper and tape!) isn’t developing an unhealthy view of beauty, but I decided to go ahead and have a conversation with her instead of the peeps over on our Instagram feed.
So I asked her, “What do you think makes a person beautiful?”
And she actually paused for a good ten seconds before answering “A smile.”
So then I asked her, “What do you think makes a person not so beautiful?”
And almost immediately she replied “A bad attitude.”
I like her answers.
A LOT.
Let’s all be beautiful today. It’s easy …. just put on one of these 🙂
Perfect!!! It amazes me how people over think simply things! Thank you for sharing your daughter with the world!!
I look forward to your Instagram post every day!! And as always, it puts a smile on my face. Therefore, I too am beautiful!!
Hi Penni – Thanks so much for the support and for being beautiful too 🙂
I hope she never grows out of being this creative, fun, spontaneous, thoughtful, intelligent young lady you have on your hands! But I honestly don’t see sullen teenhood in the cards for your little slice of Mayhem.
People are so ridiculous. You spend time with your daughter, encourage her creativity & her individuality. Now just because you don’t want to post a “make-up free” selfie, you are teaching her she needs make-up & clean hair. She is obviously a confident, creative & amazing little girl. 🙂 I’m glad I’m not the only mom who chooses fun with my daughter over washing my hair occasionally.
Hi Jess! Yes – fun first, clean hair second. Maybe third. Or tenth 😉 But seriously, thank you. My girl gets to see me at my best, worst and everything in between. I personally feel like it’s OK to teach her some boundaries on what things get posted publicly and what things we keep to ourselves. Thanks for sharing our journey with us!
You are a normal person to have some decency to veil your comfy-at-home appearance! And you’re a great mom it seems! Congratulations on your wise response to the criticism. Looks like Mayhem is learning valuable lessons at a very young age.
Thanks so much Haley – we TRULY appreciate the support and kind words! 🙂
I love her answers A LOT!!! Can’t believe how judgmental people are. You seem like a great mom and Mayhem is so cute & talented.
Thanks Molly!!!!
Amen, sister! Way to go. Thanks for leading by example on how not to add to the noise, but instead make meaningful conversations with those who matter most in our lives.
And I like’ Mayhem’s answers A LOT, too.
Thanks Shay – I had to stop myself a few times yesterday from jumping into the conversation! But when it dawned on me how grateful I am that Mayhem can’t read yet (because I just wouldn’t want her reading all the stuff that was shared), I quickly realized that SHE was the only person I truly needed to have a conversation with. And yeah, it was a pretty good one 🙂 Thanks for the support!
Beautifully said.
Thanks Stephanie!
I like her answers too! Also your answer and your method of handling the negativity. Great mom!!
Thanks Becky!
Perfect answers to good questions. Keep doing what you’re doing, momma!
Thanks Alicia. I’ll admit I was a little nervous when I asked those questions and her answers could not have made me more proud. 🙂
After seeing your Instagram post I was disappointed that you wouldn’t share your ‘natural’ beauty. But, I realized I know nothing about you other than your dedication to family, love for ingenuity and fashion and your utmost support of your daughter. (And I’m sure there’s a lot more to know — but reserved for your close friends and family and not internet strangers.)
So, who am I to make a snap judgement about one photo and a caption out of thousands? Would I want one made about me?
I love how you handled it. No apologies and with an honest conversation with the person who matters. Thanks for sharing.
Thanks Beth – I really appreciate your comment. Truly 🙂
Mayhem is incredibly insightful. I would expect nothing less from the paper dress-making queen!
Thanks Victoria! We’ve been talking a lot about attitude lately and I’m happy to see those talks are getting through 😉
I LOVE her answers!!! Your posts always put a smile on my face and I should just swear off reading the comments section!!!
Thanks so much Laura – and I’m SO grateful that our comments section is ALMOST ALWAYS a positive place to be….but every now and then I’m just so thankful Mayhem doesn’t know how to read (yet). 😉
She is wise beyond her years! Well done Momma!
Thanks Kelly!
Amen to that! Your advice and Mayhem’s answers are both spot on from my armchair/knook of the internet. Rachel ☺
Thank you so much for this post! What a great way to respond to others’ beauty anxiety without taking it on as your own. “Beauty” can be liberating or oppressive. And we all probably experience it each way from time to time. You’re very thoughtful.
What a lucky child to have you as a parent. Thank you for sharing a portion of your world with us. Your posts never fail to make my heart swell.
Well said. My 3 year old daughter and I love seeing Mayhem and her creations. Carry on, beautiful ladies!!
Awesome post! You couldn’t have responded better. Seeing your posts always brighten my day and bring a much needed smile into this crazy world. xoxo
I think that some people need more to worry about! I wouldn’t publish my photo with dirty hair and make-up-less either. And your daughter is on the right track, so don’t sweat other people’s opinions…not that it sounds like you are. Happy Tuesday!
This. Is. Amazing.
I’m not a mother yet, I’m actually terrified to become one, but you give me hope. I admire the way you raise Mayhem and that you daily inspire and embrace her creativity.
I can only imagine the criticism you get being in the public eye, but you handle it with grace. I believe your example for Mayhem speaks volumes more than words.
I just want to say thank you. You could be so easily discouraged sharing your life with all the haters out there. But I’m glad you’re not, because honestly, your pictures and captions are a bright spot in my day. How lucky Mayhem is to have a mom like you.
Seems to me you’re doing pretty much everything right. Your daughter is amazing. Never mind the silly naysayers out there!
Out of the mouths of babes… Mayhem is adorable.and so talented. Obviously you’re doing something right. I’m so glad I stumbled onto your instagram page., I look forward to your posts everyday.
Well said, mayhem!
You do not need to explain anything. While I don’t want my daughter to focus on appearance I do want her to feel confident and attractive. I feel people should at least attempt to look presentable and people who don’t I honestly don’t see as confident. No one feels attractive with dirty hair! Ps. I don’t wear makeup every day but do feel more attractive when I do.
Well said! I think everyone has made great points. I think we often forget to stop and ask kids what they think, or what they are really asking. Only to find that it is we who are over thinking or complicating things. But how beautiful is the simplicity of a smile to define beauty!! I love ur encouragement of Mayhem.
It’s funny how sometimes wen we feel ugly someone else thinks we are gorgeous (my husband always says I look pretty wen I feel like I am having an ugly day) I am sure mayhem is simply reflecting the beauty and creativity of her mum!!! Lovely.
I like that kid, a lot!
What a great way to handle all of that! You and your daughter are inspiring and I look foward to seeing your post. They make me feel happy and are a reminder it’s about the little, simple things in life we should all be focusing on. You are doing everything right and you can see it shining thru all your posts. Thank you for making us smile.
I love this. It’s clear you are a wonderful mom and there should be no negative comments, this little girl has the right answers for sure!!
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GOOD FOR YOU!! I love that you went and talked to your daughter instead of trying to make right by your insta messages. Hey, my first thought when I saw it pop up on the blog yesterday was “Looks like someone got a new dress?” And when you mentioned what happened with that photo my thought was “Hey, isn’t it about the dress?” Who cares your reasoning for not showing your face. I never wear make up but still wouldn’t have shown my face–who cares! Anyway…Mayhem is doing great. Let me say I have shared with my daughters that one can be physically beautiful but a nasty attitude or scowl will change all that. Also, I say to them a smile always helps. 🙂 So a not so “cute” person can be cute/pretty/adorable with a great smile/attitude/kindness. Bottom line. Bravo on your decision and you are rockin’ it in the mom department. Hey, I don’t wear make up and my girls think it is not necessary to make one pretty. I believe that but don’t down you for wearing it! Mayhem definitely knows what it is all about.
Such a great point! It’s about the dress…and the relationship about Angie and Mayhem. People read so much into everything, when really it was meant as a cute, pithy post, full of Angie’s wit and Mayhem’s ingenuity 😉
You are such an amazing mom, I can’t even start.
You’re the BEST. The end. 😉
That was a beautiful response to the negative comments <3
Hi! I was just catching up on your Instagram posts and enjoying every Mayhem moment in there when I saw this post that cause.d so much “worries”. I wanted to tell you that I think it’s amazing how much time you dedicate to your daughter, and that it shows that Mayhem is a incredibly happy, opinionated, smart, creative and just plain joyful little girl. People just overthink things and reflect their own insecurities onto others. I love the answers she gave you on your conversation and the fact that she thinks that way just puts an end to that whole drama!
Mayhem is amazing and very lucky to have a family like that!
Sorry if there’s some misspelling in there, English is my second language! 🙂